Jimmy is a happy-go-lucky kind of guy. He has always had bad luck, but instead of dwelling on his predicament, he found the good in life. There was nothing special about Jimmy; living a modest life, in a modest apartment, in a modest neighborhood.
In the summer of ’07, he had enough money to open a bookstore downtown. Four months later, Amazon released its new Kindle reading device. Jimmy loved to read and was first in line at the local BestBuy to get his hands on one. He didn’t realize the detrimental effects of the new device on his business.
Fast forward to 2010, when the bookstore closed, Jimmy took a job at the local Best Buy as a salesman. He loved people, so getting to talk to them all day long was befitting a man of his talents.
Wakey Wakey
On what would typically be any ordinary Tuesday, Jimmy woke at 8 am as usual. He rolled out of bed but forgot that the popsicle stick sculpture he had been working on was on the floor next to the bed. Crashing through the poorly put-together house, splinters broke off into his feet.
He screamed in pain for no more than 2 seconds, then happily limped into the bathroom to retrieve his frequently used first aid kit. He snatched the tweezers and began plucking out the splinters one by one while whistling, “You are my sunshine.” When he felt confident he had gotten them all, he stood up from the toilet and immediately stepped on the pile of splinters he had just plucked out. “No worries.” he thought. He sat back down and plucked out the splinters again.
After almost stepping on the splinters for a third time, he quickly hopped over them and began brushing his teeth. But while thinking about his splinter predicament, he wasn’t paying attention and grabbed the glue he was using the night before to put his popsicle stick house together. After a few moments, he attempted to spit out the glue, but it just hung in his mouth. He tried washing it out, but it was between his teeth and setting quickly. Jimmy was out of Elmer’s glue, so he used gorilla glue on his masterpiece.
Breakfast Time
After scraping as much glue out of his mouth as possible, he got dressed and headed to the kitchen for breakfast. The cat had knocked dishwashing liquid off the counter in the middle of the night, and the stuff was flung all over the floor. Jimmy found this out as soon as he stepped into the kitchen. Not even realizing what had happened, he was staring at the ceiling. He slipped and slid to the pantry, where he kept a mop. It took him an hour to get the floor clean again. He was running late and didn’t have time for breakfast, so he grabbed his keys and headed to the car.
The Drive
As soon as he pulled out of his driveway, a bird shit right in his view on the windshield. The wipers did an excellent job of smearing the feces all over. Since he was running late, he decided to duck down and navigate through the little bit he could see at the windshield’s bottom. Even though he drove this same route every day, he still managed to blow through two stop signs along the way. A cop watched him go through the second one and pulled him over.
Officer Dan didn’t seem too impressed that Jimmy was attempting to drive the car with zero visibility and made him get out and clean the windshield. He cleaned his car out the day before, so he had nothing to wash the poop off with. So he decided the only way he was getting to work was to use his shirt. He took off his shirt and cleaned the best he could. Once Officer Dan was satisfied he could see, he gave him a ticket and sent him on his way.
Hit the clock
Jimmy made it to work just in time. The only problem was he didn’t have a shirt to wear. So he ran to the nearest computer and slipped and fell behind the counter, then popped up as if nothing had happened; he clocked in and headed to the back of the store to find a shirt. His manager saw a half-naked man running to the back of the store and called security. They got to Jimmy before his manager could see that it was him. He was handcuffed and led to the security office. They didn’t buy his story that he worked there.
The cops were called, and you’ll never guess who showed up. Officer Dan cracked a smile when he saw Jimmy in handcuffs. Dan told security about his run in with Jimmy so they decided to ask the Best Buy manager if they knew him. Jimmy’s manager cleared up the mishap and told Jimmy to go get a shirt on and get to work.
An elderly lady was Jimmy’s first customer of the day. She wanted to buy her first phone but didn’t know how to use it. So Jimmy spent the next 6 hours explaining the phone to her. After he got her out the door, his shift was over.
Let’s Eat
At this point, he was starving, so he stopped at Taco Bell to get a couple of burritos, a quesadilla, three tacos, and a taco pizza with a large Mt. Dew. He snatched his bag of food and headed for the door. He got distracted by a pretty girl about to come in and attempted to open the door for her, spilling his drink on her as she walked by. She yelled at him as he fled in embarrassment.
Jimmy finally made it home and tore into his food. Mr. Whiskers, the cat, decided the tacos looked good, so he helped himself to a couple. Jimmy was worn out, so he went to his bedroom and started putting his popsicle stick house together again for the tenth time this month.
Still smiling, Jimmy said, “Today was a good day, Mr. Whiskers.”
