Four drunk teenagers and a game of truth or dare

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Four drunk teenagers are driving around on ice-covered roads in the middle of nowhere. What could go wrong?

Peter, Mikey, and I stopped at Peter’s Dad’s bar to stock up for a night of shenanigans. Aw, the convenience. We stocked up on mostly, OK, all, liquor. There is nothing like the nasty stench of straight Everclear in the car to get the antics rolling. As we cruised through town, we passed Patty driving down Main Street. We flagged her down. “Wanna get fucked up tonight?” asked Mikey. Patty had a little crush on him, so she obliged.

Off we go

So off the four of us went into the countryside. For miles around, all you see are flat cotton fields that had just recently been harvested. Only bare stocks remained. There is little in the way of asphalt out this far, just gravel roads and your thoughts. Some would say this is God’s country. I just called it hell. Prospective is crazy that way.

We ran from the cops

As we were cruising along a gravel road, headlights appeared ahead of us. Cops were known to cruise these backroads looking for teenagers that were up to no good. And since that described us tonight. We wanted to avoid talking to them. I knew a crossroads was coming up, so I sped up to beat the approaching car to the intersection. As I turned, I noticed the lights on top of the vehicle, it was a cop. Just then, he turned on his lights to pull me over. So I did what any responsible citizen would. I floored it.

As I approached the main highway that runs through the county, I decided to gamble and run the stop sign. The car nearly went completely airborne as I jumped the road going at least 70 mph. I slowed down and turned off my lights after about a quarter of a mile. We looked back as the cop approached the highway. We were relieved as he turned onto the highway. He must have said screw it because he turned off his lights as he turned. It started to sleet as this was going on. The roads started getting bad very quickly. Trying to focus on the road took my mind off of the little police chase we had.

After an hour or two of riding around very slowly on the freshly frozen gravel roads, the freezing rain that had been drizzling down started to pour. The roads are becoming very dangerous at this point. And so are we. All four of us are pretty much hammered at this point. So we decide to play truth or dare. This was a ploy to see Patty’s tits at some point. Why else would you play?

Now that’s a dare

But before we even get to the double D show, Peter dares me to ride on the car’s hood with my nose on the front bumper while he drives. Not one to back down from a challenge while drunk, I comply. This ole Pontiac has a slanted hood, so when I climbed on, I immediately started sliding down. So I had to hold on to the bumper with one hand and the back of the hood with the other to keep from sliding off. Peter didn’t go easy on me either; he punched it. We hit 70 mph at one point. I managed to stay on the hood without falling off. He managed to keep the car on the road despite me flailing around in his view.

When he came to a stop, I slid off. My hat had flown away in the process. As he opened the door, I yelled, “Go get my hat!”, then held on to the opened door. He threw it in reverse and gunned it; I could ski back to my hat. You could say the roads were pretty slick at this point.

After living through what is probably still the dumbest thing I’ve ever done, we continue on. Laughing so hard at my ignorance and Peter’s homicidal approach to the ordeal, we forgot we were playing a game. Maybe everyone else decided to “forget” because the stakes were too high at this point. I changed the subject for good by putting the back wheels in the middle of an intersection and turning the wheel to the right. We did the slowest reverse donut on the ice imaginable while the speedometer read 80.

Don’t get stuck

Once we started rolling again, I headed toward the river. As we got closer to the river, I turned down a sketchy road that would lead us up to a levy along the river. This road was full of HUGE water holes. Once I started hitting them, I got nervous. I was terrified of getting stuck out in this weather. This was the 90s, and none of us had cell phones. Being 15 miles from the closest town, I decided to stop wasn’t an option. Fuck walking.

I gunned it through every lake we hit, slipping and sliding all over the place each time. The back wheels slid into the ditch just as we came out of the last mud hole approaching the levy. Luckily the front-wheel drive car could use the vehicle’s momentum and throw us onto the levy. I honestly couldn’t believe we made it.

I was not only drunk at this point but high from excitement. Maybe it was weed; I don’t remember. The car was completely covered in mud. The windshield wipers were not up to the task, so I had to get out and wipe the windshield the best I could. We slowly made our way to the nearest car wash 20 miles away.

Off to the carwash

After we got the car washed, I was relieved; it was as if nothing had happened. I was beginning to sober up, so I was ready to go home. I needed to drop off Peter at his girlfriend’s house and Mikey and Patty at their houses. Then I would be home free to pass out.

Just as we pulled out of the car wash, the car died. Are you freaking kidding me! After all that, my car breaks now. I said, “I’m not leaving my car here; we are gonna push it!” We were 3 miles from home. But we started pushing anyways. Mikey, Patty, and I push while Peter decides to steer. Well, he started pushing, got tired, and jumped in. “I’ll steer!” he yelled.

After about 20 minutes of pushing, some local guys stopped and asked what was happening. We explained what we had done and that we were trying to get the car home. They didn’t have a tow rope or chain, so we decided to leave the car there, and they gave us a ride home. I had started drinking again while we were pushing, so I don’t remember if anything else went down that night. But it was one to remember.

And that is why you don’t drink and drive. I want to tell you I embellished this story, but I would be lying. I’m sure I forgot most of what happened.

Check out my Fun Things page for more stories and Jokes to pass the time.

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