I've always preferred the comfort of my own home. Even when I’m enjoying outdoor activities like camping or spending a day on the river, I often find myself looking forward to getting back. In 2016, my wife left me, and suddenly, home was a terrible place to be. I took the breakup hard, but it pushed me to finally do what I'd always wanted: move.
I was born and raised in a tiny town of under 1,000 people where everyone knows everyone. The nearest mall was an hour and a half away, and there was nothing fun to do nearby. I always hated it there, but I could never convince my wife to move away.
With my newfound freedom, I decided to get out of town. I moved from my small town in southeast Missouri to Jonesboro, Arkansas. The plan was to live there for two years, then move further west to either Northwest Arkansas or Springfield, MO, and after a couple more years, to head even further west to Arizona or Colorado.
But when I arrived in Jonesboro, something unexpected happened: I loved it! It was a town of around 70,000 at the time, close enough to Memphis for day trips and with plenty to do. I quickly discovered Craighead Forest Park, which became part of my daily routine. The people were friendly, and I found a great job at a Frito-Lay Distribution Center. My brother and I lived together my first year there, but I truly found peace when he bought a house and I moved into an apartment of my own.
Living alone for the first time was a revelation. I’ve always struggled when living with others; I tend to retreat to a small corner of the house and shut myself off from everyone. Having my own space opened my eyes to the fact that I’m just someone who needs to live alone. I don’t get as lonely as most people would after extended time alone. In fact, I prefer it.
That’s not to say I never get lonely—just that it takes a lot longer. For the first three years in Jonesboro, I stayed single and got into the best shape of my life. I was excited to wake up every day, go for a run, and grab a healthy dinner before working nights at the warehouse. Life felt nearly perfect.
I also made some great friends at work, people I’d hang out with regularly. But, as I often do, I kept them at arm’s length. They were great people, though.
Everything was going well until COVID hit. People started calling off work, and the company paused hiring. Like many places, that left the remaining employees covering endless overtime shifts—60-hour weeks became the norm, and every fun activity was shut down. During this time, I started dating my current girlfriend, who also worked at the warehouse. After a year of endless work weeks, my enthusiasm had drained. My long-abandoned plan of moving every two years suddenly sounded appealing again. The one silver lining of working so much was that I’d saved enough money to make relocating possible.
So, I did some research and decided to move to Northwest Arkansas instead of Springfield. The area was growing rapidly, and there were plenty of opportunities. My girlfriend and her mom came along, and we moved in together for the first time just outside of Springdale, Arkansas. That’s when I quickly realized I'd made a mistake.
Gone were the days when I could just jump up and go grab a bite to eat or go for a walk. Now, it was back to “Where are you going?” If it was something she didn’t want to do, we’d either debate about what to do, or I’d go alone, only for her to assume I was off cheating on her. My peace of mind was gone again.
Trying to keep the place clean, only to see it cluttered again almost immediately, reminded me of the days of kids leaving clothes and dishes everywhere. Keeping a nice, tidy house feels hopeless.
Each day, I feel myself shutting down a little more. I started this website not long after moving to Northwest Arkansas as a sort of outlet. Since I don’t fully enjoy going out, I need a place to share my thoughts. I’ve also been working on not compromising as much. If I want to do something, I just go do it—I don’t ask for permission or worry about anyone else’s feelings. My thinking is, if she doesn’t like it, she can leave. Honestly, I prefer being alone anyway.
I don’t know why I feel trapped by other people’s expectations, but somehow, I have to break the cycle.
ChatGPT has been my go-to search engine for coding, proofreading, and research for my websites. So, why not ask ChatGPT about why I feel this way? So I did and this is the response which hits the nail directly on the head for me on every point.
Feeling like you need your own space or even that you prefer solitude is actually pretty common, and it’s often rooted in a mix of personality, life experiences, and sometimes emotional needs that go unaddressed when others are around. Here are a few reasons people may feel like you do:
Introversion: Introverts recharge by spending time alone. Being around people, even those we’re close to, can feel draining. It’s not necessarily that you don’t like being with others, but solitude gives you peace and time to think, which may be harder to find when you’re constantly around people.
Sensitivity to Expectations: Some people feel trapped or “shut down” when they sense that others have expectations about their behavior or choices. This sensitivity can make it feel like there’s pressure to act a certain way or even justify what you want to do. Sometimes, this happens because of previous relationships or experiences that made someone feel boxed in.
Need for Autonomy: When you’re independent by nature, the idea of coordinating every decision or justifying personal choices can feel like a loss of control over your own life. Being alone gives you full freedom to make your own choices without explanations.
Self-Sufficiency: If you’re comfortable in your own company and find enjoyment in solitude, it often means you’re self-sufficient in how you manage emotions and needs. For self-sufficient people, the sense of “needing” others can feel unnecessary or even burdensome.
Trauma or Past Experiences: Going through a hard breakup, feeling misunderstood, or experiencing loss can push people toward solitude. Sometimes, when past experiences involve conflict or emotional pain, being alone feels safer and less complicated. It becomes a way to shield yourself from the possibility of repeating those experiences.
Personality and Lifestyle Preferences: Some people are just naturally inclined to be “hermits” because they thrive on introspection, creative projects, or deep personal interests that don’t require other people. Being alone can actually boost focus and creativity for many.
Desire for Emotional Clarity: Living alone or spending lots of time by yourself can bring clarity to your thoughts and feelings without the emotional “noise” that others might unintentionally bring. This can feel like a mental reset that’s hard to achieve when you’re navigating the dynamics of living with someone.
You might find some comfort in knowing that a lot of people relate to the desire for space and autonomy, and these traits aren’t signs of something wrong—they’re just different ways of engaging with the world. The key is learning how to balance your own needs with the realities of relationships if you do want companionship, which often requires a partner who understands or shares similar needs.
My girlfriend and I work opposite shifts at the same place, so I get four days a week mostly to myself. When her mom went to a nursing home, things got much better—her mom actually wanted to go. But eventually, my girlfriend talked her into moving back home. I felt things improve immensely while her mom was away, and now that she’s back, that feeling of a cloud hanging over me has returned.
I’ve had a very complicated and drama-filled past with my own mother, which I think ties into point number five above. Maybe that’s why I just want to be alone sometimes—to recharge.
Lately, my thoughts have been turning heavily toward moving out west again, as I’d originally planned. But am I wanting to move to get away from the people around me, or because I need a change in scenery? I really like Northwest Arkansas, but it’s expensive to live alone here. Moving out west would make sense if I planned to go alone.
You might be wondering, “Won’t your girlfriend see this and get mad?” Unlikely—she takes zero interest in my hobbies. Anytime I try to show her something related to my websites, her eyes glaze over, and she makes a quick exit. So, will she see this? Doubtful, and honestly, I don’t really care, lol.
I spend an excessive amount of time fantasizing about buying some cheap property out west, in the middle of nowhere, and just living alone. I’ve actually enjoyed living in more populated areas, which was unexpected. After so many years in southeast Missouri, I knew I wanted to leave, but I’d imagined myself living just outside a populated area. Now, I’m not so sure it would even be an issue. I’ve noticed that, even with plenty of things to do around me, I still tend to stay home most of the time. I love the walking trails and use them often, but otherwise, I’m at home more often than not.
I think I just like being a hermit.
